I have been taking anti-depressants for 7 months now. And saying this kind of relieves me. I still can’t stand up in front of a public and say it, but I have come to terms with it. After four years of suffering from depression and trying to seek medical help, I finally have committed myself medication for my mental health.
I often come across people who look down upon me and who judge me for taking them, hell, I have judged people for taking antidepressants. Yet here I am, writing about it, hoping the world around me would change.
Some people say that anti-depressants make you dead, zombie-like or dependant. Some say they just create a Placebo effect like a Sugar pill.
I say, if I hadn’t started taking medication for Depression and Insomnia, you would probably have found me with my wrists slit in my room. So it is safe to say that I owe my life to antidepressants.
We live in a society which has suffered from multiple taboos and we are having a hard time trying to break them. However, this is my first step towards accepting that I am not ashamed of my brain function going haywire because of the trauma I suffered.
My 1st visit to Psychiatrist
I clearly remember the first time I went to my Psychiatrist, I ran out of his room crying without speaking a word. I was just crying for 2 minutes in the washroom and heaving. Now in usual circumstances, he would have conducted a test to know what kind of depression I have(it’s a written test). Seeing my situation, he, of course, didn’t conduct one. After that, he prescribed me an anti-depressant. And I’d say my struggle of finding the perfect medication for me started then. They have to keep changing your medication until you find that one pill that doesn’t make you drowsy or incapable of doing daily activities. I had to visit him every 15 days and change my medication until I found the one which suited me. The same procedure was followed for my sleeping pills.
It was like a re-birth
After 2 months my anti-depressants and sleeping pills got certain. The quality of my life changed. I didn’t feel inactive and dead the whole day. I could study, paint, sing, take a bath and brush my hair as any normal person would do. My will to stay in bed was weaker. I started having a good night sleep and a normal productive day ahead.
I still am on anti-depressants and you know what? They make feel normal. They make me feel something. They make me not want to die every day.